Let me explain: my mission was great but it was very hard and disappointing. I had some companions that were terrible and didn't want to work, some wouldn't wake up on time and one didn't wake up till five! He woke in time to make it to dinner and go on a few appointments, but not to do any serious work. I spent six weeks with this "District Leader" and it was discouraging. Unfortunately, I was afraid of him; I was afraid of telling on him. Some of the things he did, were grounds for expulsion from the mission and excommunication. But I was afraid of tell the mission president... anything. I'm a very honest person, I think, but I'm also able to keep things confidential. Meaning, most things that people tell me in confidence will never be heard out of my lips. If someone trusts me enough to bear their soul to me; I'm honored and their secret is safe with me. Jack Bauer might be able to get me to talk, but little else will. But this has nothing to do with what was going on about with this Elder. He was blatantly breaking rules! He built a computer, put some games on it, had internet access and would do who knows what all night! I did do some spy work and found some porn on his computer, and it might have been child porn; I didn't look at it long! But I was afraid of this guy; for who knows why, but I never said a thing. I could have beaten him up easily, but the problem was he had a lot more mission buddies than I did, so I was paranoid of what could happen; his best buddy and previous companion was now zone leader; this guy had helped him build his computer and he had built one himself; they probably played Warcraft with each other all night; I don't know! I stayed in the bedroom by myself and read books. I read a lot of books in that time more than I've ever read in six weeks. I would pretty much read from 6:30 to 5:00 every day; I read around twenty books, and yes some of them were not in the missionary library; but I did what I could so I wouldn't go crazy. I had a tough beginning, but I ended strong; I think most of this is due to me not being "senior companion" until way too late. When I finally was senior companion, I made sure that my underlings were not treated like I was.
The Recurring Dream I Have:
I'm a missionary again not just again, I'm sent back because I didn't do a good enough job. Like, I have to serve another two years even! It's a nightmare because I'm having to go through all the same stuff with disobedient missionaries before I'm in charge, but I never get to that point in the dream. Something terrible usually happens and I wake up and am glad it's not real. Seriously, when my eyes opened I was looking at the wall in my room... I quickly recognized that the wall was not from my dream and was in fact the wall I was used to seeing every night. I really thought it was real. It's funny how the mind works.
I've been writing about the brain in my book. In fact, I go into extreme detail about how the brain really works? It's one of my favorite organs to discuss... one of um! OH Snap! Anyway, I'd love to be a brain surgeon, or do something with the brain. I would rather discover things about it; learn about it in greater detail; like a scientist, not a medical doctor. I like things like that. When I like things, I usually do what I can to learn about them. Unfortunately, so many things about school don't interest me, so I'll probably never become a Doctor or Scientist. I need to get over it. I'm an excellent student; the greatest, but I'm bored by professors. I only have success when I teach myself. Anatomy class is boring, but when I'm doing research about it and am really trying to find answers, it's the most exciting thing there is... I just have to make it selfish, I suppose. I need to find a career in something that makes me happy because of this; I will be miserable if end up having a franchise job... what I mean by that is the job I will ultimately have will have to be unique; not just another dot on the map, because I don't think I'm another dot on the map. I've spent enough time trying to be like everyone else to know that's the truth... I can't do it! I wish it were that easy but it isn't. Whoever falls in love with me will only fall for me because I'm different and intriguing, not because I can relate to them; I'm good at pretending that we have things in common, and that can get us about three to six months together, after that it's all up to them.
