A drug related post

So, I was looking at a slideshow the other day that highlighted famous authors with their equally famous vices. It turns out that all the good writers are mostly a bunch of alcoholics, and drug addicts. I'm not surprised. Drugs of any sort can have a dramatic effect on your brain, and therefore your ability to write.

Since I watched the slideshow, it's kind of been on my mind. I've had somewhat of a writing drought lately, and I performed an experiment of sorts and came to the conclusion that the drought is because of the prescription medication that I have to take.

Enalapril: it's an ACE inhibitor that works by decreasing the production of the chemical in your body that restricts the blood vessels so that your blood flows more freely and efficiently throughout your body. It distributes your blood evenly, but it makes it nearly impossible to channel your blood flow, like your body naturally does for you. For instance when and non-inhibited person runs, his/her blood is channeled to his/her legs and lungs. When he/she thinks, more blood is channeled to his/her brain. This drug, that I have to take for my hypertension, makes me average. When I'm on it, [which I have been for the last several months], I'm incapable of being very creative because the blood that I channel to my brain does not stay in my brain, like it normally would. Okay, I'm moving on, whether that makes sense or not.

Two nights ago, I did not take my medicine, as part of my experiment. That very night, my brain was flooded with blood and therefore dreams. It was very exciting for me, because I hadn't had a dream in months, and I was having tons of inspiring dreams. I can't describe to you how wonderful my brain can be when it's off drugs. Most people have to take drugs to get the same result!

I woke up exhausted, however. I was tired all day because my veins were expanding wherever my body needed them. My brain was working extremely well yesterday too, but my body was too tired to make any use of it. The natural strain my heart puts on my body is exhausting at first, to say the least. I use to clock in at 170/100 with my heart beating over 100 BPMs. Doctors and nurses would ask, "why aren't you in the ER or dead"? I'm not dead because my heart is beating.

I usually feel healthy too when my heart is racing like it usually is when off medication. More than healthy! My body just wasn't ready for it yesterday, so I decided I would take my medicine last night. I did, and I'm feeling kinda humdrum and dumb today. I'm writing leftovers of my thoughts from yesterday when my brain was really invigorated.

As the day goes by I'm losing more and more of what I had yesterday, and it's depressing because I can either be unhealthy and creative or healthy and average. I really hate being unhealthy, but I also hate being average. If my brain was working right, I'd probably say something about it being a Catch 22 or something, but at the moment, I'm not sure if that's right.

Comfortable in my Underwear

So a couple nights ago I had some elaborate dreams that I think have inspired me. Those who know me, know that I'm a believer in dreams, and as Paulo Coelho wrote in The Alchemist, "those who believe in dreams can also interpret them,". I don't know if I'll go into too much detail this time around on my interpretation, but I'll probably go on about my recent inspirations.

I was in a house with a bunch of people I knew. It seemed like a party, and I saw a girl whom I've loved for a long time in the hallway. She was dressed as nicely as she always does and I followed her for a while. She's the one I've lucked out on because she happens to have a boyfriend, but I still like her a lot; I can't help it. We talked for a while, and she seemed to pick up what I was putting down, so I thought maybe there is a chance that we will go out at some point; who knows? She didn't seemed threatened by my nearly nakedness [I'm in a pair of gray briefs for the entire dream], and I wasn't afraid or ashamed either. Being only in my briefs is a recurring theme in a lot of my dreams; I'll get to that later.

The party continues and one girl in particular who I have an indifferent relationship with has a white marker board sign up that says "Slumber Party" with all the drawn in confetti and stars to make it exciting. She says "Hey Orin, would you like to come to the slumber party my friend is throwing?" and I'm really touched emotionally because sometimes I think this girl doesn't like me at all. I say "of course," and she and her friends celebrate.

Now I'm super happy, but a friend from work tells me she's tired and needs to go to the slumber party so she can sleep. She latches onto me like a baby monkey clings under its mother, and I carry her outside to a park area where we throw down a blanket and lay down and rest. Another girl is on the blanket, and I have suspected her of liking me in the past. I don't like her in any type of romantic way, but she kisses me on the cheek and it's nice, and it relaxes me.

Moments later I'm walking on the grass with the girl who invited me to the party and her friend. We're in our underwear, and we see this futuristic-looking room that seems to be made out of holographic LCD screens? That's the best way I have to describe it at least. We go in and it's packed with men placing bets on sporting events and trading stocks. We realize we're in the wrong place, but a guy tells us we can't leave until the timer runs out. So we lay on the grass and the girls rest their heads on my shoulders and we doze off. I am starting to realize this is a dream now. I'm realizing that this girl would probably never cuddle with me in real life because of past drama, but I'm happy so it's "whatever". I think the dream became somewhat latent at that point, but I didn't really do anything that was too amazing from then on.

Finally, I went to the park and a van pulls up and a bunch of Samoan rugby players get out and start throwing tons of Frisbees around. They aren't organized or anything, and are just picking up frisbees and throwing them as far as they can. I yell out that we should play a game of Ultimate and they just start throwing the frisbees at me as I run away gleefully laughing my head off... and then I think I woke up.

I won't get too deep on the interpretation here but there are some basics that I picked up. Me being in my underwear and not being ashamed means that I can be comfortable and confident in who I am. When I'm with other people in their underwear that means that I feel that they too are comfortable expressing and being themselves around me. Some people will be more into what they are doing and not accept my nakedness and therefore throw stuff at me, but I'll still be happy as long as I keep true to myself.

I felt really good and inspired yesterday because of this dream and I think I'm going to make some significant changes. I have ideas on marketing myself and finally getting some of my work out and published. I really think I'm not living up to my potential. I've had dreams that have told me what I need to do, I really just need to act on them. My inspiration has come recently because I've listened to The Alchemist audiobook like three times in the past few weeks! I really believe a lot of what it says. The World is kind to those who pursue their dreams. If I don't pursue my dreams, if I revert back to my plateau of stagnation and monotony I will end up being a very miserable creature.

I went to the Pablo Picasso exhibit recently and a lady began to talk to me. She first started the conversation by stating that "[Picasso's work] was very phallic". It was awkward at first when we talked about Freud and all the sexual symbolism, but she's an art professor out of New York it so happens ,and she asks me what I do? I tell her I do portraits and I write, but I'm studying nursing. She seems interested in it all but tells me to focus and do only what you really want to do and follow your dreams because there are too many people who just give up and become a franchise just like every other fast food chain out there... those our my own words, but I'm paraphrasing what she said to me! I really need to believe this and have faith! I think I have something special to offer and there are many people who believe in me. People like her and others have been placed in my life to help me realize my dreams. I just need to listen, accept, and act. I'll be rewarded for my sacrifices.

I leave you with a video that inspired me too: I think it's true.

Time travel, Murder, and The Marvelous Land of Oz

Last night, more likely this morning, was brimming with the craziest dreams I've ever had, and I'm probably going to go through this fast, so bear with me.

We left a town early after buying supplies at the local general store and immediately jumped in the water and began swimming underwater towards my boat. I was swimming with two other men one was poor and black, and the other was rich and white. We swam under the boat, where there was an airlock, and the airlock was apparently the only way we could get in the boat. The other men were under water as I unlocked the hatch with a very big key that was tied around my neck. After I removed several compartments of the hatch that appeared like a puzzle box, I was finally able to make it inside the ship. I never saw the rich white man or the poor black man again, so they must have drown, but it hadn't phased me.

The year was most likely around the turn of 18th century, from the looks of the boat, the clothes I was wearing, and the people around me. It was raining heavy and the ship was being tossed around. We seemed to be doing normal ship activities and work for an hour or so dreamwise, which translated into several years.

Among the crew was a man that I remember working with, having a laugh, and perhaps drinking grog with several times over the years. He was a built white man with no visible hair[it was either covered or shaved, I don't remember]. Anyway, it turns out that on a particularly dark and stormy night, this guy goes crazy and starts murdering everyone aboard my ship, I say "my ship" loosely, because I don't think I was the captain.

So, another guy and I are freaking out because we're about to be murdered, so we run to a compartment of the ship and use some sort of device that allows us to time travel. We try to go back to the time where no one on the ship was killed, so that we could make everything okay, but it didn't work. We ended up traveling into the future, everything became more modern and spaced out. We were now on a very large cargo ship. I was with my buddy, and I saw the murderer just chillin on the rafters; sitting on some supplies hanging up there. I was freaking out because we were on a new ship, with a new crew of men for the man to murder. Anyway, I made it a duty to warn everyone aboard that there was a murderer loose on the ship, but no one believed me, except for two Japanese men who didn't speak any English. Anyway, long story short a female cyborg was sent to the ship and she found and killed the man.

So I'm on a farm in what seems like rural Virginia, and I'm giving a walking tour of the area to a bunch of girls. We see this crazy animal that I've never seen before, but I'm looking at it as if i've seen it a lot or all the time. It had the back two legs of a giraffe, but narrowed in at the abdomen and started again with the back end of a giraffe and this continues for a long time, like a centipede with giraffe legs. The very front of it's face looked like a large and furry crocodile, but it didn't seem dangerous; I'm pretty sure it was an herbivore. Anyway, I knew that over time it grew into these large beast chains, and I could tell because there was a younger one that was only the furry crocodile head and giraffe legs. It had a pair of undeveloped legs dangling out from behind, and I couldn't tell if it was giving birth or growing another segment. I remember being really confused about how the animal might breed though.

Anyway, we continued to walk and eventually approached our destination. Someone in our group asked, if we were close to the land of Oz, and when I looked up I saw a wall and a giant green magical hurricane. My view changed to what seemed to be a bird zooming around the emerald city, everything was green, and I promise you guys... it was the coolest thing I've ever seen! I was like "WHOAAAAAAAAA!!!!!" The green hurricane of magic that whipped around the city was just amazing! I wish I could describe it to you... seriously, it was a marvel to behold. I was like the double rainbow guy, "What does it mean?!?!?"

So we approach a very big wall which has an attached a food stand. The people in the stand are giving away free food to people that are going into the emerald city. I was okay with this at first, but then I began to feel paranoid. The food was delicious, and made me want to go into the city all the more, but it also made me suspicious of what was going on. As I stood in line with a bunch of girls that looked like they were about to enter some dance club, I realized, it was a trap, so I didn't go in. I woke up choking on a lot of liquid, and then I realized I had been dreaming.

Dream interpretation note: There isn't too much here this time that's worth translating, but I do think it's funny how my paranoia prevents me from doing wonderful things.

Keys to potential, blocked by fear.

I had a dream last night; a very vivid dream, and as the day has gone by I've remembered more and more of it:

The only definite person I remember was a friend from work named Amos. Amos is the gentle giant type. He's a tall skinny black guy with a lot of tattoos. I guess that's not relevant, but he was there with me the whole time.

We were at the beach, near some warehouses at night. The only lights I really remember were street lights, and moonlight; besides that it was very dark and moody.

In the warehouse we met with a man who was propositioning us with a new drug. It was orange, granular, and kept in small bags[Orange in "dream terms" represents a stimulation of the senses, and is considered good; interesting side note] . There were tons of the baggys and they were kept in a locker. He gave me a small bag and a lady told me that when I used the drug I would be able to have an experience unlike anything I've ever had before. I would be able to have a vivid and lucid hallucination. This means I would have a bizarre experience, and have total control over everything that happens. It was going to be like a lucid dream, but a very real one, and the orange grain would put my body out like I was in a coma, but my brain would be free.

This excited me, so I took a grain out of my bag, and placed my bag in my locker for later use.

Amos and I went out to the docks and decided to eat our grains. Once I did I fell to the ground and began to have a dream inside my dream, but this time I had control. I remember having the overwhelming feeling that I could do anything I wanted! And do you know what I did with that power? Do you know what I did with my ABSOLUTE POWER!?!?!

I watched TV.

I literally could have have commanded the elements and slept with starlets, but I imagined being in a very comfortable chair, just watching TV. What a waste!

When I woke up from my dream inside a dream, I was very scared; I looked a little wasted and there were cops everywhere. They searched my locker and found my bag of orange grains. I was frightened and angry that it was taken away, but I was glad that they were only booking me on possession instead of distributing. That's all I remember.

Interpretation: Basically I've been given a gift or certain gifts and I do nothing but waste it away by watching TV or not being productive. If I don't use my gifts they'll be taken from me. A simple explanation for an elaborate dream, but if you think about it more, it makes sense.

Orange drug: My gift

Cops: take it away

I waste my gifts by wasting my time. It's time to change.

The Stairway from Intelligence to Genius.

I was sitting down with Jordan yesterday, and we had a conversation that represented a variety of ideas. One of the main ideas of our conversation was a discussion of the difference between intelligent people and geniuses. At first he didn't follow me; he said something along the lines of geniuses finding creative ways to adjust to normal life; basically, they learn to adapt. While creativity is key, true geniuses don't adjust to normal life, or become normal. They rise above normal life and dwell on a entirely different plane of thinking.

I imagine that this world is represented by three levels of thinking: Unintelligence, Intelligence, and Genius.

The Unintelligent are the uneducated people of the world. They mull around on their plane and eventually try and find a way out and graduate to something higher. The only way to ascend to the plane of Intelligence is to follow a staircase, and this staircase is made of blocks of education. Whether this be high-school, college, or street learning, you're still becoming educated and your staircase will eventually lead to the plane of Intelligence.

On the plane of Intelligence you have learned to adjust to normal life, and you have a franchise job. By Franchise job, I mean that you are one of millions just like you that get paid for doing exactly what you do. If you stick around long enough, you are told that there will be a bonus in it for you. From your plane you look down on the Unintelligent and now they come to you through the staircase you followed, you tell them to do what you did and one day they'll be able to be just like you, all they have to do is follow the same steps. Secretly, you don't want them to, because the more there are of them, the more likely your job will be at risk! But since you've been here longer, seniority is yours and you get even higher education, so that when they reach where you were, you can say, "No-no-no, I am the master; I have a master's degree and seniority". You tell them this from a pedestal you've erected to glorify yourself. You are constantly looking down to make sure that there is always someone below you, and that your position is secure. Because of this and your reliance on structure, you cannot look up.

If you would look up, you would notice the higher planes of genius. The staircases to the higher planes are hidden. You discover that not only did you have to be creative to find them, now that you've found them, you have to find a way to climb them, because there aren't any stairs. You will have to find a way to build them, using the knowledge you've already obtained. What do I use, and how do I get from here to there? It's a complicated process and you are alone all the while. The empty stairwells exist on the planes of Intelligence, and Unintelligence, but if ascended creatively, lead to something higher than both. The planes of Genius.

You had to be creative to find your way to the highest planes. You sit on the disk you created by yourself and look down at the big picture. You see the world as it is, you see the evil and good. You open a bag of things you've learned and you sprinkle the knowledge on the planes below. The flakes of genius touch everyone. Some don't notice. Some say "How can I use this flake to help me on my plane"? Then there are the ones that look up and say "where did that come from, and how do I get up there"? These are the people who will become the next geniuses. They'll find the empty stairwell and begin to build their way to the top. When they're at the top, they'll look to their left and see another genius on his disk sprinkling knowledge, and yell over to the old genius that "You and I are different" and the new genius will begin to look down and sprinkle his knowledge. Then the old genius, will hear this and look to his right and see the flake he'd cast down upon the new genius so long ago resting on his forehead... and then he'll look up.

Late night status update goes overboard.

Preface: The following took place at two in the morning as I was changing my facebook status. I thought it was 2099 words but it was only 2099 characters long.

Status update:

I'm just beginning to realize how incredibly sane I am. I know crazy people, and some of them really scare me. You could say I have a paranoia of insanity, and that either makes me totally sane, as I've stated before, or a complete madman. I like to believe that our paranoias guard us from completely exposing the little madmen inside us. So... then fear is our friend; fear is what keeps us safe, and fear is what makes us like everyone else, so that we don't have to be afraid of being different. Because when we are different, we fear being ridiculed by the people that are subjects of fear tactics who are perceived as normal or sane human beings. So, there is a great circle of of fear and normal people trying desperately to be perceived as sane. I'm afraid of those people and all geographic clusters of sanity. There are many clusters that we can join, and we usually join the one where we have to change the least. These clusters roll around the earth all the time. They impact one another and create fragments of dust that will no longer be part of any cluster because they are marked as unfit or crazy. But the dust is the key. It has seen many clusters at the point of impact! In fact, it was once part of a cluster! But the impact helped it to crack off and fall to the earth where it will be rolled over and over again by the clusters of fear and sanity. What's going to happen is that eventually the clusters will break of into nothing and everyone will be dirt. Unfortunately, clusters will form again, but fortunately they will be formed by those first flakes of dust that had to break away. The once thought of as insane will one day rule or invent, and that's how it's been forever. So many insane people, for their time, have changed history because of their supposed insanities. Insanity is often mistaken for inventiveness and free-thinkery.----- wow, I'll stop. It's late, and it's the longest status update ever... and it probably won't make sense to me in the morning... all I'm trying to say is dare to be different, and control your own destiny, and people will follow you.

Appendix:

Well, it's funny that I start my status reassuring the reader and myself that I'm not crazy, and I really don't think I am. The main point I was trying to make with that phrase wasn't addressed, there is a thin line between crazy and eccentric. I like to think I'm on the side of eccentric inventiveness. From my viewpoint I see actual crazy people... those people usually present fragments of ideas without relativity. For example let's say that you're sitting at dinner with an insane friend, and without any prompt at all, that you know of, he says "she is such a sweetheart," and you say "excuse me, who?" and then he says a girl that he met at the gym, and you say "we've never gone to the gym together" and then he says she's a sweet girl. Then you say, "well, why don't you talk to her?" and he starts talking to the empty space beside you as if he were talking to the girl. This is an extreme example, but it illustrates that there is no genius there. There are only random electronic pulses in their brain firing off abnormally. The key to being a genius is to be able the think of ideas in the abstract but with continuity and a general story web. You can think of things differently but there has to be relativity to references points and human interaction.

Anywho, I've got to go to work.

Beyonce and Dental Floss

So I had this crazy dream last night, that I was either participating in or just watching "Britain's Got Talent". Anyways it had to have taken place a few years ago because it was supposedly before Beyonce got famous. After she sang she made a desperate move to get Simon's approval. She said she was going put floss in her gums and subsequently pull the floss out of her "floss ducts". I remember being in the audience now with an expression on my face like "whatever". No one knew what she was talking about but waited for something to happen.

Anyways, she puts the floss in her mouth and gargles it around for a little while, as if it were Listerine or something. Then she puts her hands up and squeezes her cheeks until she's pinching them tightly. Slowly she pulls her hands away from her face but she leaves behind a trail of floss that's following her hand. She begins to wrap the floss around her ears, and then wraps it around her head until she's covered her eyes, and says "tada"!

The next shot was of me in the audience, but the audience now had floss wrapped around their ears and eyes, similar, but slightly different, than Beyonce had hers. I was the only one without the floss coming out of my face.

I think the dream has a lot to do with my character. How I feel about society and the media. I have nothing against Beyonce, but the idea of the show[Britain's Got Talent], the star [Beyonce], and the audience trying to be like the star no matter how stupid it gets, is something that bothers me. Also, the star makes a desperate move and pretty much does whatever she can to actually become an absolute sensation. I'm the only one sitting in awe; not understanding why it's a sensation at all? The problem with being "original" in the end is that I'm left alone because I don't fit in. At least, that's how I interpret it.