Since I watched the slideshow, it's kind of been on my mind. I've had somewhat of a writing drought lately, and I performed an experiment of sorts and came to the conclusion that the drought is because of the prescription medication that I have to take.
Enalapril: it's an ACE inhibitor that works by decreasing the production of the chemical in your body that restricts the blood vessels so that your blood flows more freely and efficiently throughout your body. It distributes your blood evenly, but it makes it nearly impossible to channel your blood flow, like your body naturally does for you. For instance when and non-inhibited person runs, his/her blood is channeled to his/her legs and lungs. When he/she thinks, more blood is channeled to his/her brain. This drug, that I have to take for my hypertension, makes me average. When I'm on it, [which I have been for the last several months], I'm incapable of being very creative because the blood that I channel to my brain does not stay in my brain, like it normally would. Okay, I'm moving on, whether that makes sense or not.
Two nights ago, I did not take my medicine, as part of my experiment. That very night, my brain was flooded with blood and therefore dreams. It was very exciting for me, because I hadn't had a dream in months, and I was having tons of inspiring dreams. I can't describe to you how wonderful my brain can be when it's off drugs. Most people have to take drugs to get the same result!
I woke up exhausted, however. I was tired all day because my veins were expanding wherever my body needed them. My brain was working extremely well yesterday too, but my body was too tired to make any use of it. The natural strain my heart puts on my body is exhausting at first, to say the least. I use to clock in at 170/100 with my heart beating over 100 BPMs. Doctors and nurses would ask, "why aren't you in the ER or dead"? I'm not dead because my heart is beating.
I usually feel healthy too when my heart is racing like it usually is when off medication. More than healthy! My body just wasn't ready for it yesterday, so I decided I would take my medicine last night. I did, and I'm feeling kinda humdrum and dumb today. I'm writing leftovers of my thoughts from yesterday when my brain was really invigorated.
As the day goes by I'm losing more and more of what I had yesterday, and it's depressing because I can either be unhealthy and creative or healthy and average. I really hate being unhealthy, but I also hate being average. If my brain was working right, I'd probably say something about it being a Catch 22 or something, but at the moment, I'm not sure if that's right.
I'll grant that many great writers have been addicts. But I don't think chemicals encourage creativity. (My one exception is that a mild buzz probably gives enough confidence to write without letting self-doubt impede you).
ReplyDeleteAddiction is an escape from something, usually an inability to deal with reality (love, loss, meaninglessness, your inevitable death). Writing is the same thing. We write to explore and deal with emotions. So what I'm saying is: both writing and addiction come from angst. That's my theory, anyway.
But you're saying that the drugs you have to take limit your creativity. My short response: that sucks.
My long response: eh. Creativity is only the first step in writing. Once you have the idea, it's mostly just hard work. One good idea a month should give you enough material to keep you writing everyday.
I don't know - what do you think?
I pretty much agree with everything you're saying. I like how you compare writing to an addiction. I have been know to say that "I work so that I can afford my writing habit".
ReplyDeleteHowever, I sense from what I've read about some of these authors, that some, used their drugs as performance enhancing drugs. Even in my own research I read that Edgar Allan Poe was going to quit "taking stimulants" for a woman he'd been friends with. He reportedly used them to accelerate his writing process. Poe is also the patron saint of your point though. He turned to all sorts of drugs and alcohol to get over the death of his cousin/wife.
I suppose being in the mode I'm in would be good for editing or something work intensive like that. But as I'm going back through my manuscript, I'm trying to add more imagery, and take away the telling of the story. I think good imagery takes some creativity, while it is still hard work.
Again, I agree with everything you're saying, because everyone works slightly different. Some need to take drugs to be uninhibited, and some need to be less reliant. For me, I could go either way.
Orin - I'm sorry to hear about your brain. I hate certain drugs (prescriptions here people) because they make me feel funny and inhibit me from being able to do certain things. I imagine what you are feeling is like writer's block? Cause I hate that stuff.
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