So, it's been a while.

The main reason it's been so long is because I've finally finished writing the first draft of my book. I actually finished it about two weeks ago. I printed it out, went to The Dollar General and bought some red ink pens and sticky notes, and have already started editing the manuscript in my spare time. Surprisingly, I have found very few mistakes so far, considering the fact that I have really bad ADD; the manuscript should be riddled with mistakes!

They use to call me learning disabled, but it was never really true. Selective learning is a better way to describe me. I could never fit in a mold; I never wanted to learn what the teachers taught me. I was only interested in what I personally wanted to learn at a particular time. When I learned to love to write, I would read dictionaries and grammar books in my spare time because I wanted to write well. It reflects in my writing. I never get "to", "too", or "two" mixed up. That's their land, and they're over there; I never mix my "their"s up either. I become obsessed with what I like to do and as a result, I'm successful.

However, I do have my problems. For example: sometimes I get stuck on an idea and will write a sentence or word twice without even realizing it. I also have typing problems: sometimes I write a sentence and I'll put a word in there that I didn't mean to. I my head I'm thinking "That's a nice shirt you've got on there" but I'll actually write "That's a nice skirt you've got on there". I'm convinced that my brain completely glitches out on a constant basis, and I make these mistakes all the time. I hate my keyboard too; I'll never get used to it; I think that's my main problem. A laptop's keyboard is strange to me; maybe the keys aren't big enough; I really don't know; it's been a problem from day one!

I'm done writing now; that's the big news. I printed out the entire 95,000 word document. A document that size prints out regularly on approximately 240 pages of printer paper, but when consolidated into a book it's slightly above normal for adult fiction. Length wise, it could be compared to between the second Harry Potter book [85,141 words= 351 book pages] and the third Harry Potter book [107,253 words= 448 book pages] . I'm no math expert but that puts me around 400 book pages. That's pretty impressive for me at least; I've impressed myself.

I'm glad it's finished. I'm glad I'm able to move on to editing and writing query letters to publishers and literary agents. We'll see where it all goes; I'm excited.

The terrible two, a nightmare, and an obscured glimpse at my brain!

It's weird; I have this recurring nightmare that might not be understood by a few of you but it's truly an nightmare none-the-less. It's a dream where I am a missionary again.

Let me explain: my mission was great but it was very hard and disappointing. I had some companions that were terrible and didn't want to work, some wouldn't wake up on time and one didn't wake up till five! He woke in time to make it to dinner and go on a few appointments, but not to do any serious work. I spent six weeks with this "District Leader" and it was discouraging. Unfortunately, I was afraid of him; I was afraid of telling on him. Some of the things he did, were grounds for expulsion from the mission and excommunication. But I was afraid of tell the mission president... anything. I'm a very honest person, I think, but I'm also able to keep things confidential. Meaning, most things that people tell me in confidence will never be heard out of my lips. If someone trusts me enough to bear their soul to me; I'm honored and their secret is safe with me. Jack Bauer might be able to get me to talk, but little else will. But this has nothing to do with what was going on about with this Elder. He was blatantly breaking rules! He built a computer, put some games on it, had internet access and would do who knows what all night! I did do some spy work and found some porn on his computer, and it might have been child porn; I didn't look at it long! But I was afraid of this guy; for who knows why, but I never said a thing. I could have beaten him up easily, but the problem was he had a lot more mission buddies than I did, so I was paranoid of what could happen; his best buddy and previous companion was now zone leader; this guy had helped him build his computer and he had built one himself; they probably played Warcraft with each other all night; I don't know! I stayed in the bedroom by myself and read books. I read a lot of books in that time more than I've ever read in six weeks. I would pretty much read from 6:30 to 5:00 every day; I read around twenty books, and yes some of them were not in the missionary library; but I did what I could so I wouldn't go crazy. I had a tough beginning, but I ended strong; I think most of this is due to me not being "senior companion" until way too late. When I finally was senior companion, I made sure that my underlings were not treated like I was.

The Recurring Dream I Have:

I'm a missionary again not just again, I'm sent back because I didn't do a good enough job. Like, I have to serve another two years even! It's a nightmare because I'm having to go through all the same stuff with disobedient missionaries before I'm in charge, but I never get to that point in the dream. Something terrible usually happens and I wake up and am glad it's not real. Seriously, when my eyes opened I was looking at the wall in my room... I quickly recognized that the wall was not from my dream and was in fact the wall I was used to seeing every night. I really thought  it was real. It's funny how the mind works.

I've been writing about the brain in my book. In fact, I go into extreme detail about how the brain really works? It's one of my favorite organs to discuss... one of um! OH Snap!  Anyway, I'd love to be a brain surgeon, or do something with the brain. I would rather discover things about it; learn about it in greater detail; like a scientist, not a medical doctor. I like things like that. When I like things, I usually do what I can to learn about them. Unfortunately, so many things about school don't interest me, so I'll probably never become a Doctor or Scientist. I need to get over it. I'm an excellent student; the greatest, but I'm bored by professors. I only have success when I teach myself. Anatomy class is boring, but when I'm doing research about it and am really trying to find answers, it's the most exciting thing there is... I just have to make it selfish, I suppose. I need to find a career in something that makes me happy because of this; I will be miserable if end up having a franchise job... what I mean by that is the job I will ultimately have will have to be unique; not just another dot on the map, because I don't think I'm another dot on the map. I've spent enough time trying to be like everyone else to know that's the truth... I can't do it! I wish it were that easy but it isn't. Whoever falls in love with me will only fall for me because I'm different and intriguing, not because I can relate to them; I'm good at pretending that we have things in common, and that can get us about three to six months together, after that it's all up to them.       

 

Drug induced dreams- it's not what you think.

I was watching one of my favorite shows last night: Breaking Bad, a show about a Nobel Prize winning chemistry teacher who turns to manufacturing and selling methamphetamine to a distributer in order to provide some money for his family. You see he's dying of cancer and his wife is pregnant, so he's doing whatever he can so they can be provided for, monetarily at least, when he passes away. It's a great drama, has a good deal of comedy too, and has great insights on the drug world.  I, of course, love the science. Maybe that wasn't totally obvious to some, but in my spare time, I like studying science; especially Chemistry, Anatomy, and Physiology. Sure, I also enjoy my fare share of Psychology and whatever you call the study of human behavior as a society...  Sociology! Anyway, the show is amazing and is helping my mind think more scientifically in my personal creative medium. 

This episode I watched last night induced a strange dream in me last night that I would like to share before it's forgotten:

I had been manufacturing my own drugs, and had come up with an excellent product. We'd not sold anything to anybody yet, so I was walking around this elaborate apartment complex selling the drugs out of my backpack to people I knew. I implored them not to speak of what I was doing, and if they knew somebody who wanted some of what I had, they'd have to do a serious background check or have known them for long enough to know that they were not going to tell anyone. Business was doing very well, but it made me sad when I caught one of my real life friends talking to someone I'd just sold drugs to.

She looked totally coked-out and was saying that she'd have sex with him for some of the drugs. He said he was tired of sex [who says that?] and that he could not give any of his supply to her. I had a whole bag, I made it for practically no money, and I was selling it. I could have given her some money  but I felt really bad for her; so I kind of just walked away.

My partner was yelling at me that something was going wrong and that I needed to go downstairs and assist. There was a car on fire, and it was careening down a grassy hill! Then it was hitting trees, flipping out of control, and vast amount of charred bodies were flung out from all sides of the vehicle. There were far too many bodies lying on the ground for that small car! Too many for a a four-door sedan! Among the bodies was my partner who had told me to go downstairs in the first place... but he was a going up the stairs when he'd told me. Weird. Then I woke up and realized it was only a dream.

It wasn't a nightmare to me. Some people might think that. It may have turned that way if I'd gotten caught. Most of my nightmares deal with getting caught doing something terrible or having to be held responsible for my mistakes! 

I'm not sure if dreams always speak to me. Maybe the dream was telling me I needed to become a drug dealer because I would not get caught, but it would, in the end, destroy people I cared about... you win some you lose some. I'm not very good at interpreting dreams but I'm excellent at having them. I had one the other night that I wont share, that I believe was inspiration though... maybe this one was too; I just haven't gotten it yet.     

       

Ramble on!

So, decided early on today that I was going to write a blog entry and rant for a little while about random things, as an exercise to get my mind right for the rest of the writing I'm planning on doing today. 

Today, I sat in the lobby of of my dental office, I was a little early for my appointment. They have this terrible movie/ video presentation that is constantly playing in the background. It's terribly acted and scripted. It's supposed to be an informative presentation that outlines different dental health conditions, but it ended up looking more like "Red" propaganda to me. I felt like it was trying to persuade me that juice is evil, that fluoride in our water supply will make us healthy, and that I have to avoid getting CTS. What is CTS? Well, Cracked tooth syndrome of course. Does it hurt when you chew? Did yo toof get cracked? Well, you are suffering from the, extremely common, cracked tooth syndrome. My mind was turning to mush while I listened. I thought it was ridiculous. Why would they need to have a name for that? Cracked tooth syndrome; really, if I ever have a dentist who tells me I have cracked tooth syndrome, I'm going to ask him how many months do I have left?

Anyway, I felt like from the moment I stepped into the office I was being influenced by my surroundings. The voices in my head told me I need to brush and floss more and I also need to come back every six months or else my teeth are going to fall out! They might be right, but I don't like to be told what to do; I especially don't like it if it's suggested. I see a lot of people being influenced on what to do, who to vote for, and what to believe in, but I'm hardly ever influenced.  The others fit into a mold and when the dye is caste they end up looking like everyone else. That's precisely why I can't align myself with any political party! I don't trust anyone in politics. I don't fit into their mold and so why vote? If I vote, I will be held responsible for anything that might happen as a result of a corrupt politician being voted into office. Since I don't vote, I can always say "well, I didn't vote for him; it's not my fault we're all going to die in a nuclear holocaust," I'm independent of that way of thinking. I'm smart enough to know that people in power lie to get gain. I'm not like that; I rarely lie; in fact sometimes I'm brutally honest to the point that people are offended by what I say. They should be, but I'm not going to lie; maybe they can respect that at least.

So, I get my teeth cleaned and the dental assistant finds nothing to fret about. The dentist arrives and starts to talk to me about things I don't care about; he tells me jokes that I don't think are funny. I laugh a little so it's not awkward. That may be considered lying, but if I change the reason I'm laughing then it isn't. I ask in my head "it's funny that he thinks he's funny but he's not, right?" I laugh because of this and he is elevated. You see, now he thinks I'm an idiot. He may believe that I think everything he says is funny. It isn't true but he's happy. I'm happy too, I'm just feeling a little cynical today. 

So the Doctor finishes his examination and tells me the bad news. One of my fillings is cracked. My heart begins to race and I say "Doctor, be straight with me! It's not cracked tooth syndrome is it?" it was indeed... he told me I have about a month left... before I have to come back and have my filling replaced.

Oman the BawBawian

Won three out of eight awards at the prestigious annual Goodwill Awards

Winner: Orin Rainock as Best Director

Winner: Orin Rainock as Most Film involvement 

Winner: Oman The Bawbawian as Best Film

I'd like to thank the Academy.

 

Just a quick update: I’m in the library right now, and have found it a very effective place to get work done. I cant log on to Facebook most of the time, and I’m glad because I’m kind of an addict. This has been a great place to write for me and I feel like I’m getting a lot more accomplished than I ever did anywhere else [besides that time when I spent four days in the woods and filled four notebooks with material]. It’s really been great, my only distraction is the occasional hot girl that walks by or sits across from me in plain sight… they probably do it on purpose. They’re probably in love with me.

Anywho, the book is coming along splendidly and is experiencing changes that were not at first anticipated. It has become a sci-fi novel all of a sudden for one, but in a really cool way! Yesterday, I wrote about some really sad stuff… so it’s a good change, at least for a little bit. So, I’m excited to keep writing, if you don’t mind.

Exclamations, by gum!

I've been reading Upton Sinclair's "Oil!" recently and I've been very impressed by his writing technique. I like how he breaks up chapters first of all... He'll have a chapter with a title like "The Escape" and then he'll break that chapter down into several sections which are only about a page and a half long; and they're broken up by roman numerals. There are about ten sections per chapter... it makes it very readable and you can practically stop whenever you need to. I've adapted this to the book I've been writing which is going just fine!

Ha! That's another thing I've liked about Upton Sinclair's style. His use of exclamations are superb and frequent! Practically every section ends in a an exclamation! Even the title, by gum! It properly illustrates and works with the mind the way it should be read in your mind and the way it should be read out-loud. He also uses it a lot when you know he's being sarcastic or indirectly making a point. I really do admire it, and am trying to adapt it to how I write.

Early on in the book I felt inspired by Cormac McCarthy and adapted his minimal punctuation style. McCarthy uses periods and commas only; he uses his commas where normal writers would use their semicolons. He doesn't use quotation marks at all! I liked that because there were less restrictions, but I ran into problems when I tried to put emphasis on a word, or tried to be sarcastic. I solved the problem by making the word in all caps. This trick works with the mind! A lot of modern, prolific writers have their own style and don't follow the rules set out by English teachers. It works if the language is consistent throughout their work. The rules become more clear to the reader as he or she goes along; if they are smart enough they will be able to adapt and will be able to read the new style as clear as day!  It's clearly a way to make writing literature  and help literature remain an art. It works for me! I come from an art family, but I've always had shaky hands, it reflects in my art when it comes to drawing and painting. Writing literature in creative ways has helped me remain an artist and not the black sheep like they thought.

"David after dentist" remakes that are funny:          

Crazy Guy!

So I was driving around this morning and I happened upon a crazy sight to behold. I saw fire, smoke, and police cars outside of Disco Sports: Sports Bar. I got close with my car but the guy in front of me stopped completely, got out of his car, and started directing traffic; and for good reason; there was a CRAZY GUY close-by setting the sign out front of Disco Sports on fire. He looked like an employee of the establishment,  wore a red collared shirt, looked the "quiet type", danced around the fire, and continued to put more fuel into it. You could tell by his body language that he was disturbed and threatening anyone who got close to him and nobody did. 

I said dancing before but the man was really flailing his arms around dangerously; you could see the madness in his eyes from a hundred feet away. The good Samaritan who directed traffic for a minute guided me to safety to the parking lot of Regency Mall; that's where I took the picture above. It's really hard to capture the insanity that I witnessed with a low-grade camera phone like mine; especially since the static had died down when I was able to take the shot. Crazy guy McGee was nowhere to be seen. I thought I saw him run off.

That guy must have had a bad day, lost his job, and tried to express his discontent with "The establishment"  by setting it's sign on fire. Little did he know that his little stunt would put traffic light power out for several blocks. I'm sorry you lost your serving job at Disco Sports... I'd recommend you to some other establishments but I'm not entirely certain that they'll be set to hire you. Don't put it on your resume! I imagine his application looking something like this: Place of recent employment- Disco Sports.  What duties and tasks were preformed- Customer relations, serving, and counting the toothpicks before and after each shift. Reason for leaving- I set the sign out front on fire and went totally out of my right mind... I was having a bad day. I feel a lot better now! 

Here's a little something about another crazy guy:

On my way to California, I met a Celebrity!

The most amazing thing happened today; you might not believe it.  As some of you know, I’m on vacation to California; right now as I write, I’m still not actually in California, but that hasn’t stopped amazing things from happening. For example, I really thought my vacation was off to a miserable start when the ticket counter guy informed the passenger’s of my flight that there wasn’t enough room on the flight for everyone. In fact, I was called up specifically, and asked if I would be flexible and be able to go on a later flight. I felt pressured into saying “yes” like I normally do, so I said “yes” and they put me on a flight on the next gate over. It took me to Newark, which was never in the plan, but eventually I wound up in Houston Texas; that’s where I am right now.

First of all, because of the grand sacrifice I made, Continental Airlines has given me a 300 dollar gift certificate, which is good for flights anytime this year. My original ticket only cost me 260 dollars to begin with, so this is great news for me. If this little vacation goes well, I could fly out again sometime this year for FREE.

That’s nice in all and I am a little happy about it, but that’s far from the highlight of the day. I saw Richard Simmons walking through the terminal with who may have been his life partner, I don’t know; I’m not exactly sure if he’s gay or not; anyway, I smile at him and he says “You forgot to shave today! Don’t you know that there are fifty-million people at this airport today, and they’re all going to see you like that,” he said this kidding; being nice as can be, and I said grinning back at him “Oh gosh, now I’m embarrassed!” and a quick as flick of the fingers he says “you shouldn’t be embarrassed; you look great!” and I said “Ah, shucks!” at least that’s what I wish I said… I don’t really remember what I said after that. He moved on and left me there in utter shock and awe. What a great guy! He made me feel great! He might not have meant a word, but that doesn’t matter to me.

After that, I sat at the bar of this Airport restaurant and eventually ordered the Catfish platter. This nice cougar-type lady, sat next to me and we talked for an hour about all sorts of things. Politics, Celebrities, drugs, India, and other foreign countries. She was trying to convince me that I should go out of the country and see what the world has to offer. She’d been to India and said she had a love hate relationship with the country; then this other guy sat down and said he didn’t recommend going to India because he worked there and hated it. I kept the conversation going even though I never said that I ever wanted to go to India. It would be nice, but I haven’t thought that much about it to be honest. What was I going to tell him though… they went off on it for a while; I paid the bartender, and told them about my encounter with Richard Simmons before I left. I don’t think she knew who Richard Simmons was but I didn’t want her to feel like an idiot. She started to tell some weird story about some other celebrity she saw today. She said that there was some comedian beeping at people and telling them to move…she thought he was a celebrity comedian or something [she thought when I told my story about Richard Simmons, that he was some comedian because he said something funny to me; she’d been drinking a little] but anyway the guy she thought was a famous comedian was just an airport shuttle driver. I can see how she could get them confused. She was a nice lady though.

 I couldn’t eat all of my Catfish platter; they gave me a lot more than anyone could ever hope to eat, but the restaurant experience was good overall because I had nice people to talk to. Unfortunately, the catfish was really hot and I burnt my mouth all over, but remembering Richard Simmon’s  words took the sting away.

At any rate, I’m about get on my last flight to California. First class actually; cause that how I roll…fly…glide?

Weird Dreams

I had a strange dream last night that I want to share, not because it's symbolic or anything, but because I'm beginning to forget it. I woke up after the dream and told myself that I should remember this. Why? Maybe I was tired and it meant something too me at the time. I know for a fact that it had a emotional impact on me, and I guess I could analyze the dream and see why. Anyway, here's the dream with all the details that I can remember:

I was with a group of people, and we were dressed relatively normal and traveling through various locations, wielding swords. I've seen the main location in my dreams before. It was sort of a creative office[like an advertising agency]/ museum. In a previous dream I was given a tour of the museum aspect and it was kind of like a fun house/ freak show and I was being stalked by something dark. Now, me and the group of adventurers were the hunters. Most of us were good and noble but you could tell there were a few bad-apples in the bunch, and they wore black.

When we fought our enemies, the scene turned into something out of a Japanese Role Playing Game. I've never played one[and haven't played a video game in months], but in a Japanese RPG you are given certain skill points, magical items, and weapons that you are allowed to use when it's your turn in a fight. So, when we battled and it was our enemy's turn, we had to stand still and take their attacks; it went both ways. Some of our allies died in these battles, but could be revived after the battle was won. I don't remember too much about the battles, but I remember the rules. 

The part I told myself to really remember was this: we were in a dungeon now and of course there were treasure chests everywhere and we all went around opening them, and either got gold, potions, weapons, or magical items. I got a bird, a bluebird. I was a little disappointed, but then I read that it would assist me in my battles, and would damage my enemies automatically without wasting my "turn points". So, then I thought it was awesome! I put the bluebird on my shoulder and planned to explore more deeply into the dungeon, but then something happened. One of my "allies" got jealous and grabbed the bluebird off my shoulder and snapped it's neck, then he filleted it and ate the raw meat. I was furious, because I had connected with the bird and I owned it! I didn't kill the man, I just talked to him about it and he eventually asked for my forgiveness, but I didn't trust him. The dream ended with me feeling very negative.

I really don't like when tiny animals get killed, it always makes me upset; especially when it's done on purpose, without reason, or, in other words: maliciously. Sure, he ate the meat, but I think he did it just to make me upset. We had plenty of fruit and turkey legs, so there was no reason why he should cut open my bird and eat it in front of me! I remember asking him over and over "why would you do that?" It didn't make sense then, and it surely doesn't make sense now. 

I'm sure it's all very symbolic; it reminds me of several things in my life where my friendship has been taken advantage of, and a friend goes behind my back and hurts my feelings. However, I didn't know this guy, but I'll remember his face, so when I see him in the future I'll know he can't be trusted. So, maybe it's a warning. I remember the man, more than I remember anything else in the dream. If or when I see him again, I will know not to trust him with my bluebirds.    

Video Project

It's that time of the year again; FHE film festival time! I'm a pretty gifted film editor, and like making stupid little films. This year's project is a little ambitious. For an explanation of what type of effect I want our film to have, listen to the video above and replace the question of "what is best in life?" with this question "Orin! What's the 'take-home' message of your film?" Conan says it how it is and I would like to echo his response: "to crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of the women"

I'm excited about this project, but it's taking me away from time where I could be working on my main project; my book. Progress has slowed down because I have no discipline. I will no longer allow myself to get caught up in TV shows [except for "24" on Mondays and "The Soup" on Fridays] I will no longer be distracted by video games. I will read more, think more, and create more. All will be well.

The video project happens to be a parody of "Conan" movies, gangsta rap, and possibly Zombie movies too. It's going to be fun; I spent a few hours yesterday working on a script and had a meeting with the "crew" last night. I received some great creative input; now all I have to do is convert that to a product.   

Madness!

My book is coming along very well,  The first part is almost complete; I'm about ten chapters in. So, that's dandy and all, but sometimes when I'm on the outside looking in, I worry about my personal sanity. I've always thought I was kinda strange, but now as I'm going back and analyzing some stories of my past, I have become very concerned for myself. I remind myself of Dr. Frankenstein, when he's on the brink of his greatest scientific finds, he is also on the brink of insanity. Perhaps too, I will create a monster that will one day destroy me.

I've never thought so much about my childhood and teenage years then I have recently. Other than when I was a child and teenager, of course. The more I write, the more I'm able to remember my past. Some of these things I haven't thought of since before my mission, and I suppose it's been like that for a reason. Sometimes you just need to move on from what has happened in the past, and not think about them. That's how I've dealt with most heartache at least. The longer I go without talking about things the happier and better off  I am. Sometimes my Mom brings up some of the stuff that happened when I was fifteen and I get really depressed. I think, "I could have gone without being reminded of what time of the year it is." Right now, I'm doing it to myself by writing this book. The book just happens to be loosely based on my childhood, but written in a very different, creative way. It's a realistic view of my childhood, with all the names of the innocent changed for protection, but at the same time the main story is completely contrived and fantastical; allowing me to be fun and creative about it. So, it's Gonzo Journalism meets a ghost story, with a twist of insanity, and ADD. Gonzoastanitadd is what I'll call it! Haha!

It's written in third person, so that's helped me distance myself from it a little; like I said I changed the names too, so it's almost like the little stories are about someone else, so that being said it's easier for me to write. It's been great therapy so far, and I think finally writing it and getting it out will help me put it in the past.

I'm mostly happy right now, I'm a little sick at the moment; I've got a fever or something and I'm sniffling a little. All is well however, and I hope all is well with you too.    

Rate of Fire

Well, I'm going to try still keep my blog updated, but to let you in on something, I've started writing my book. So, I'm laying it down thick, and am devoting all of my efforts to reading and writing. My blog entries will probably be less frequent; but I would like to, at least, update it every week; but like I said most of my writing efforts are being focused on the big story. I started writing on Sunday and have gotten very far into the introduction; which is hilarious, because it's narrator gets very distracted and goes off on tangents.  I have not even introduced any characters yet, besides the narrator; but he's definitely setting the story up through a set of thought provoking quandaries. I'm about ten pages in.

I'm excited to keep writing, so I'll leave you with a follow up story to my last post, that I thought was kinda funny:

I was still upset about not being able to donate blood and I was sharing my disappointment with my coworkers. I was upset mostly because I wasn't able to donate because my pressure was so high [which is a dumb reason], and we resolved as a group that humans just don't want my blood. However, Vampires are always looking for blood... they are an underfed sub-culture and need blood to live. So, supply and demand! I've got the stuff if you've got the money! I can sell my blood at discounted price because I make so much of it. Or an inflated price because I really didn't see too much of a market for it on the internet when I looked. Sure, you can buy gallons of fake blood on Ebay; but what about the real deal, premium grade, O negative crude? I was thinking about selling it by the vial[for snacks] or pint[for meals]; they'd sell like hot cakes! If the truth be told, a lot of Vampires have an identity crisis; most of them wish they didn't have to suck people's blood all the time. Some supposedly live on rats and all sorts of animals when they know what kind of blood they need to really live. Are you a Chupacabra or a Vampire? Anyway, It would give them a guilt free way of feeding themselves. They would know that I'm not going to die, so they're not killing anyone. So, it's win-win! I get rid of my excess blood and feel good, and they get rid of the rage that can control them if they go too long without it. An idea was suggested for a store front, but I don't know if I could supply that much. It would probably end up being more of a online service similar to Ebay, and my blood would auction off at unheard of prices. Disease free, low in cholesterol; a little high in iron, but that only adds to the flavor. If I'm not allowed to save the lives of the living, I might as well improve the lives of the undead. At least, that's how I look at it.     

Genetics

So, I try to go donate blood with a friend on Monday, and I get turned away because I fail the blood pressure test, for the hundredth time. You can't donate if your pressure goes above the high mark, and my did for sure. The phlebotomist tells me I should talk to some healthcare specialist, or check into the emergency room. I've heard similar speech a hundred times, so I tell the lady in a grumpy voice "Listen lady,  I've had Hypertension ever since I was a little kid," They used to think I got nervous around doctors and that's what shot it up; it wasn't natural. Here I was, a skinny little kid with high-blood pressure; that doesn't make sense! Shouldn't I be a two-hundred pound six year old? No, I was just a little thing, and I remember going to Wal-Mart, and checking my pressure, I couldn't sit in the chair right even, and my arm was so skinny; how accurate could that be?

Anyway, the phlebotomist is sitting there looking scared out of her mind, as if she was going to witness a death or something, and I'm just like whatever... but honestly, I was a very disappointed. I went and sat down at the table where the snacks were for the people who actually donated while I waited for my friend. It was a good moment for me to sit and reflect while my blood pressure climbed higher and higher; because I was really angry with myself; frustrated is a better word for how I was feeling. Why? Well, I've been getting a lot of exercise lately. Right now, I'm running about two miles straight in fifteen minutes. I'm losing weight and am starting to look good naked; I should have said better naked cause I always look good. I've also been eating somewhat healthy, taking vitamins, and generally taking good care of myself. So why can't I be healthy like anyone else?

The phlebotomist suggested genetics and I said "maybe," but I hadn't heard of any of my family having "the silent killer" when they were growing up. They do now! Lot's of them have had strokes and whatnot. Nobody's died from heart problems, however. Everybody in my family dies of cancer, do I dare to be different?

Yes I do, actually I think it's the fact that I am different that makes me have this weird "health complication". Maybe it's evolution, maybe it's some crazy suppressed gene that might have been necessary in the past. Think about this... this might seem sick to some of you, but I actually get pleasure out of giving blood. It feels very good, I think it actually relieves some of the built up pressure. I remember reading about how they use to "bloodlett" back in the day to stop strokes and for many other health related reasons. I get pleasure out of bleeding; even if I get cut and blood starts to gush, it amplifies any situation I'm in. However, let me say; I've never cut myself to make myself feel better, it's always been on accident. Like during a sport if I get cut I never feel it, but i feel this great burst of energy... I later find out that I'm bleeding, and everyone freaks a little. Bloodletting is mostly seen as harmful now, but I was angry that I wasn't able to donate for that reason. Can you please release some of my built up pressure! It would make me feel better.

Why do I think I have high blood pressure? Well, I think I my body produces a lot of blood. More blood than normal! Like when I've actually donated blood, they only take a pint... I never even feel it, and I wish they would take two so I could save 6 lives, instead of just three lousy lives. I'm O negative, it's the universal blood donor type. Maybe I'm like this so I can save more lives, but alas! I can't pass the pressure test. Maybe, my ancestors were warriors... they might, have very well been Vikings, who were known for their bloodlust. Maybe, I'm genetically compensating for expectant blood loss. Maybe I'm supposed to get in fights every once in a while, maybe even a sword fight or two. Overall, I feel healthy; I'm a little amped most of the time but that goes with living on the edge of sanity and I've tiptoed across that line back and forth since birth. 

OOPS got to go to work!  

Women?!=) ;(

Well, I'm discouraged with women. I was going to do some reading before I wrote this entry, but I'm too distracted. I've just heard too many stories, and have been involved in many tragic relationships over the last few years, and it makes me not want to even be in one. 

It's not true though, I do want to be in one[a relationship], but ya'll don't understand; I've got issues! I use to be quite a lovable little boy; my parents say the use to call me "Orin kissy-face"; but it wore off somehow, and I became an angry boy, who'd get in fights for no reason. People use to say I would walk around school looking like I was going to punch somebody in the face all the time. Before that, I use to always want to be around someone kissing them all the time.  That's how I want to be now, but I don't really have the opportunity. One day I'll write about why my mood changed... it's very complicated and will take a minute, so I'll save it for a time when I really want to write about it; it's not overly pertinent to the topic at hand. 

The topics at hand are: 

"Why can't we have a happy relationship?" 

"Why do we have so many fears when it comes to getting involved?" and

"Who know what else, I have ADD and probably wont stay on topic" 

I've seen a lot of relationships recently be doomed by separation and divorce. It's happened to a few of my friends lately and they're really having a hard time adjusting to being single again. It's always hard for me after I've been with someone so long, I almost can't imagine how hard it would be to have been married, then get a divorce, and try to hang out with "the guys" again. I wouldn't know what to do!

It reminds me of my mission. I was so use to being with someone all the time that when I actually got home and had nobody... well, it depressed the crap out of me! I was very happy when my buddies Jordan and Mike got home. It was almost like I was a missionary again, except I was jaded at that point. Women were still, and still are a mystery; but back then I failed on the approached. "All I wanted was somebody to love me, I didn't mean to scare you!" I scared a lot of girls back then, telling them I loved them; I would get terribly jealous for no reason... it was awful. I don't get as bad now, but sometimes it gets me down.

What gets me down worse is when you hear about somebody, a friend of mine, put his heart on the line for a girl, only to get it ripped out. He'd been in love with this girl since forever. He told me, he remembered the first time he saw her. He said she was walking in slow motion; he took it all in. He knew that he was going to love that girl. He did; he fell in love. Over the years they became really good friends, but they never dated; he wanted to, but she was dating all these jerks... but he was going to be her friend, for sure. So he was; he was her best friend. 

She went to live with her Dad at some point because she was having problems... an entire galaxy of problems. But he didn't care he was going to love her no matter what kind of problems she had; he was going to be her best friend. He'd go up there to visit; help her Dad with repairs, be a good friend to the family, everyone loved the guy. Members of that family are some of his best friends. She loved him. She told him she loved him, but it wasn't romantic yet. I might have been interpreted as a loving friendship. But she did tell him, if she would ever marry anybody, it would have been him or some other douche she dated for years.

He got an idea in his head, "Well, maybe I'll propose to her," he thought. When he told me, I was nervous but really excited because he was really excited. He had a new glow about him, you could really tell that he was happy. He bought a ring, and proposed to her; she said yes! Now he was really happy. I really thought she would say no; I really had my doubts, but she said yes and I was glag for him. He was even happier! 

Anyway, to make a long story short, he goes up there to surprise her and it turns out that she's hanging out with the douche she use to date for the day and had made out with him. She tells my friend that she was trying to see where they were at; to see if the douche were okay with her getting married or whatever, but that's bullshiz!!! How can you do that to somebody you love? Well, either you don't really love them, or you just have an entire galaxy of problems to deal with. 

So, hearing  stories like this scares me. Hearing stories about terrible divorces and with children involved, scares me more. I've heard a lot lately, and I'm worried that I'm gonna get caught up and make my own set of mistakes, and make my life more miserable; if that's even possible!!! Just kiddin on that last part, but this entry needed a little comic relief; it was a desperate move.

I'm worried I'm attracted to the wrong women sometimes. It's okay, it's part of growing, but I hate making mistakes. I'm a perfectionist who never gets anything right, so I'm doomed to be miserable forever. One day I'll figure it all out, and people will come to me. They'll journey from all over the world to get on my island, climb my mountain, and enter my sanctum, where they'll be greeted by the smells of incense and peace. There they will ask me the answers to all their problems, and I will say "Can't you see I have more problems then I can even deal with?! Why do you think I live on this island, away from everything?! I can't deal with this right now!!!! Get outa here!" 

 

What's in a Name?

 

A lot of thought goes into creating the perfect names for characters in great books. Robert Louis Stevenson, in my opinion has always had the best character names: Dr. Jekyll, Long-John Silver, Tom Morgan, Ben Gunn, and my all-time favorite: Israel Hands. In fact, I designed one of my character's name after Israel Hands' name; I came up with Patsy Noose. How they relate I cannot tell you, Patsy Noose's name was inspired by Israel Hands, that's all I can really say. Patsy ended up being my favorite character in that book[S.O.A.P.: A Society Of Angry People]. I even started a book, just about a year ago, about Patsy's background; I just love the guy . One day you'll all be able to read about him and I'll be very happy; he's like the friend you brag about when you're a kid and you're trying to impress girls or something. He's like the Mickey Mantle rookie card you keep in a glass case; the one you dust; the one you Windex. He's special.

There are lot's of Characters that I've created, that are inspired by characters in other books... name-wise, at least. Characteristics usually come from real-life, however, or my very sick imagination. 

Very sick, indeed. I've written about everything from cannibalistic ladies at an old-folks home, to fat men who dress up like chickens and pull out each other's teeth, as part of a "coming-of-age" ritual. The next book will be no different. Milder, but just as disturbing as ever, it will have moments where you'll be terrified. Not because something is going to jump out at you; not at all really. I'm talking about the fear you get when you accidently leave a child at a rest stop, or when you unintentionally set in motion events that lead the people you love the most to certain peril.

I've sidetracked a little... what about names again?

Well, I've come up with a name for the main Character in my new book. I've thought about this name quite a bit recently because it happens to be the name of one of my favorite musicians. This afternoon, I was sitting at a Table in Mojos, eating a Chicken Philly, and enjoying it quite a bit, when this man walked in, whom I recognized. He's not famous or anything, but I knew his name because he frequented the store.  He approached the counter to order and Chip, the owner, asked him his name, but I already knew his name. If my mouth weren't full of Philly deliciousness, and if I were at the counter, I would have said "Mr. Reed, what can I get you?" But Chip asked and he said, "Reed". I really don't know if it's actually his first or last name but I always call him "Mr. Reed" and he doesn't correct me. I don't know if he's being nice, or just trying to avoid an "involved" conversation... it doesn't matter. So, the name "Reed" stuck out to me today. 

Lou Reed, is probably the most influential musician for me, personally. I've thought of naming characters Lou or Lewis in homage for years but have never executed it. But Reed as a first name is sticking out to me now. I knew a guy growing up, first name Reed; nice guy. Reed Lewis would be a total homage; and ridiculous, so I don't think I can do that, but it's a nice name for sure. I could even make it Reed Louis... it doesn't look right, but then it'd be an homage to both Lou Reed and Robert Louis Stevenson.

I don't know why I'm reminded, but my Dad was looking through my CDs when I was on my mission, and I remember him telling me that he was a little shocked to see the Album covers on my Lou Reed CDs. He told me that Lou looked a lot like my grandfather, almost exactly like he remembered his father at least; he said it scared him a little. My Grandfather died when my Dad was sixteen [I think]. I never met him before but it was an affectionate thought, when my Dad wrote that to me. You know, that he still thought about his Dad from time-to-time. It made me think that you never really forget about the people you love, even after they're gone. I know that from first hand, but it was nice to hear it from my Dad even though he didn't really say it.   

Dang it! I hate when you get sweet ideas and you don't write them down. Last night, I had one of those and it's missing now. I remember having it, thinking about writing it down, not writing it down, but of course, THAT'S IT!!! I know it existed and that it was good but I did not write it down, I may not have had paper or pen at the time I have no idea. Which reminds me I saw a really stupid informercial the other day, let's see if I can find it! Here!

Now, the pen itself is ugly and looks like it would be hard to write with, but the idea is solid, however ridiculous you may look! But the thing is, I'd run into a similar problem. Where's my notebook?! I wonder if they can make a magnetic notebook or something, but at that point I'd have too many gaudy necklaces, and nobody would ever take me seriously.

Speaking of serious, I'm going to do some serious writing and reading tonight. I Have my big project I'm still working on, and will be working on. I hope to be done in a few months, but I have to get disciplined.  I used to stay up all night and write. I actually did it again recently, but girls are getting in the way, like they always do. 

"Women weaken legs!" Mickey from 1976's Rocky

They really do! I haven't written anything of significance these last few years because of it. I get afraid that I might offend them, that they'll hate my guts. It's true; some have hated my guts because of the things I've written, and that's how it always will be from now on. Why? Well, I'm tired of bending, bowing, and submitting to the whimsical dreams of others, unless I agree with them; I've always been this way. But recently I have been more submissive, and maybe that's why I've had so much success with women the last few years. Honestly, my one true love is writing, I feel like I've abandoned her and that's why she's been so unwilling to satisfy me these last few years.  Our relationship is getting better; we're not making out yet, but we're holding hands and looking into each other's eyes and dreaming of our potential together.   

First, a hilarious video... This lady totally uncovers a government conspiracy. Hilarity!!!

 

Anyway, life good right now; it's a new year! I'm excited because I'm already reaping the rewards of change. I was able to spend it with some beautiful people, and who knows where these relationships will lead. 

I'm getting pretty far on mapping out my story; I'm about half-way done. I'm really ready to start/finish and see where it leads. The story is very personal but it's also very fantastical; it deals with suicide, Halloween, and Ghosts. I want to say more because I'm really looking forward to it all, but a magician never reveals his secrets. Anywho, it's a Psychological thriller with a happy ending, designed lift you out of your very darkest moments. So Excited!!!!